How to have a heart attack (a two step approach)

Guess what, guys. Having a heart attack doesn’t have to be related to poor health and diet. Common household occurrences can scare the F right out of you, and maybe even kill you.

1) Come home, sit on your bed to blog about a nice meal you just had, and then have this little d-bag (can you call a spider that?) walk out from behind your laptop:

2) Go brush your teeth, then have your attempt at mouthwashing thwarted by a bunch of drunkard ants. This is an old picture from when the ants were visible. I thought I got rid of the ants until yesterday when I opened the bottle cap and all of them were living inside. My heart! What if I hadn’t noticed and they got on my lips??

As any cool person would, the first thing I thought was, “What is this? A school for … ants?”

“It has to be at least … three times that size!”

Seriously though. Stupid ants. How can I use my mouthwash now, knowing they’ve been sitting there getting drunk off the alcohol? There’s nothing I hate more than a bunch of a$$hole ants and d-bag spiders f*^&in’ up my sh*&t.

I’m kidding. I don’t actually talk like that. Or do I …

In any case, I’ll blog about my English pub dinner later. These bugs have me in no mood for food talk.

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4 thoughts on “How to have a heart attack (a two step approach)

  1. Yeah, that mouthwash would be in the trash now. If a bug has had close physical content with an item? It’s gone. And my roommates refuse to wash–or even rinse–their dishes in a timely manner, so now that it’s spring there are ants EVERYWHERE touching EVERYTHING with their dirty little feet. Dirty. Little. Feet.

  2. LOL! Yeah, I should have tossed the mouthwash after the first time, but they weren’t under the cap or anything, so i just washed the bottle with hot water and they were gone for a while until they decided to throw me a surprise party under the cap. It’s gone now.

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